Not long ago, students at
Dartmouth College canceled a Hawaiian luau because some Hawaiian students
complained that it was an act of "bigotry." Earlier, for the same reason,
students had canceled a party where fraternity members had planned on
dressing up like inner city blacks. There is also a nationwide movement
to replace American Indian names and terms as the names of professional
sports teams with something more culturally sensitive.
I agree that being culturally sensitive is important. My complaint is
that those complaining aren't going far enough. Where, for example,
are the suggestions to change the name of the Boston Celtics to something
Celtics is a basketball team with mostly black players. Not a Celt in
sight. And what about Boston being in the team's name? Few if any of
the black players are even from Boston. The name is triply offensive:
It's offensive to real Celts (Irish, Scots, etc.). It's offensive to
blacks (by omission). And, it's offensive to Boston (because there are
few if any Bostonians on the team). Also what about those high ticket
prices to pay the astronomical salaries of non-Celt, non-Bostonians,
so that middle class Celtic Bostonians can go watch them play? Who the
hell can identify with such teams?
I suggest that the Boston Celtics be renamed the Inner City Zulus. This
would remove the phony city designation; remove the offensive name Celts
and give credit to the black basketball players and their heritage.
And what about the Minnesota Vikings? How about renaming that football
team the Ghetto Tutsis. Same reasoning as given above for the Celtics.
I mean, the present sports team structure in this nation is a stupid
identity denying scam. Middle class white people from, say, Boston,
are supposed to identify with a basketball team of millionaire blacks
who don't even come from Boston? Absurd. And, what about blacks from
Boston? They're supposed to get excited about a black team with a white
name? The whole thing is meaningless.
Most people can't really identify with any of these teams at all, if
they give it a few moments thought. In fact, I suspect that most people
would prefer to attend sandlot games of various sports if the players
were actually from the cities that they play for and if they only received
working class salaries, and if they actually look like the people in
Let's, for example, have the Boston Beaners...er...well, maybe not Beaners.
Hold on, ah, let's, for example, have a team called the Boston Cods
and let's have every city have myriad teams of adult semi-professional
players playing other such teams in all sports. And let's be sensitive
to all ethnic groups by using names of animals...ah, but not cats because
then the cat ladies will be upset and maybe not dogs or horses either.
Scratch that. Let's use the names of insects. The Atlanta Worms may
play the Birmingham Ants, or the Washington D.C. Dung Beetles. And certainly
Dung Beetles is an appropriate name for Washington, D.C.
Go Dung Beetles, go Dung Beetles, shish, boom, ba!
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