by H. Millard (c) 2005

(graphic version)
H. Millard index

Hey Arnold,

Please excuse all the mixed metaphors in what follows, but back when you were running for governor of California, and many immigration reform activists were speaking and writing against you, I wrote columns in your favor. Yup, "Herr Muscles vs. Senor Fatty," was one of my columns.

Anyway, my reason for supporting you wasn't because we almost did a movie together once--yeah, I know, you probably don't know this, but I read for a part in Predator. I think Jesse Ventura got the part I read for.

Nah, I'm not trying to name drop. I bring up this business of Predator for a reason. You see, it looks as though the lefty predators are surrounding you up there in Sacramento and are trying to make you feel isolated so you'll lose your nerve and do what they want just to get them to stop hunting you and taking shots at you. Ugly bastards.

See, they figure they've spotted you. Remember the mud, Arnold, it saved you in Predator and it can save you now. Except, this time, don't smear yourself with the mud. Go on the offensive and smear it all over the lefty crackpots. Enough said about that. Your PR people can take it from here with buckets of mud that the lefties deserve.

Get this. Some of these predatory goofballs are now saying that you should get rid of Prop. 13 and raise our taxes. Like that'll help. Puleeeeze! Raise out taxes to pay for the problems caused by illegal aliens? Are they friggin' nuts?! The answer is that they are nuts. Round up all the illegals and toss them across the border into their own stinkin' country.

In fact, these liberal crackpots are coming up with all sorts of screwy ideas while ignoring the real problem--the big elefante in the room--which is the millions and millions of predatory illegal aliens who have descended on California like a plague of locusts and who are eating us out of house and home. That's the real problem, Arnold, illegal aliens. Just about everything else is a symptom of this real problem. It's kind of like when you get some smoke coming from the tailpipe of your Humvee. The lefty girlie men will tell you to fix the tailpipe. These whackjobs don't know anything about engines. They're too dainty. They've got manicured little fingernails. They're a bunch of sissies. Real men know that the problem isn't with the tailpipe, but with the engine. Fix the engine and you solve the smoke problem. Comprende?

I supported you and argued in your favor before the election because I believed then, and I believe now, that you really want to fix California; that you are a proven winner and know how to overcome adversity; and that you don't have a burning desire to have a political career, which means you probably don't mind stepping on a few girlie man toes. I thus concluded that once you were in office you'd be forced to deal with the illegal alien problem or you would fail. And, I don't think failure is a word you like.

But, Arnold, you're starting to fail. The reason is simple. You haven't boldly addressed the illegal alien problem. I know, the problem seems almost intractable and there are now so many illegal aliens in the state that they're forcing their will on the citizens. It's kind of like our whole state has fallen under the control of Mexican banditos who control politicians, the system and the laws so that nothing can be done by good, decent citizens.

But, wait a minute. You're no ordinary politician. Have you forgotten who you are? You're probably the one politician ( I apologize for calling you a politician) who can solve California's problems, because you still have a cachet with the voting citizens of this state. But, if you don't use it, you're going to lose it.

Tell the phony lefties and illegal alien friendly predators to take a hike. Screw them, they're a bunch of girlie men and you were right to call them that. Let them go purse their lips all they want and let their mascara run down their pudgy faces. To hell with them. It's time for bold action. It's time to be Arnold.

It's time to do what Alexander the Great did. Take out your sword and cut the damn Gordian Knot of illegal immigration that is screwing up our state. Don't go all Sacramento on us and stand there and mumble like the girlie men while trying to undo the Gordian Know one string at a time. That'll never work. Cut the damn thing in half.

So, what does this really mean in the context of state politics? Well, just off the top of my head, here are some suggestions to look

1. Start arresting and deporting illegal aliens.
2. Deny benefits to illegal aliens.
3. Fine employers who hire illegal aliens.
4. Hold back funds from cities with job centers for illegal aliens.
5. Hold back funds from schools that have illegal aliens.
6. Bill Mexico for the cost of illegal aliens.
7. Have voters present photo IDs when they vote.
8. Increase penalties for the use of phony IDs.
9. Increase penalties for phony drivers' licenses.

Will predatory illegal alien advocates howl? You bet. But, if you're the leader I think you are, Arnold, you'll weather the storm and come out stronger. And, if you take these suggestions, don't thank me. When you cast your next Predator flick, have your agent talk to my agent. I figure neither one of us likes big "P" or little "p" predators and neither one of us wants to play the game by the rules set by the predators. You've got the cajones. Now use them.

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Ourselves Alone & Homeless Jack's Religion new - August 2004Ourselves Alone & Homeless Jack's Religion
messages of ennui and meaning in post-american america by H. Millard

In Ourselves Alone and Homeless Jack's Religion, H. Millard, the hard to pigeonhole author of The Outsider and Roaming the Wastelands, has put together some of his category bending commentaries on post-American America. The commentaries deal with politics, philosophy, free speech, genocide, religion and other topics in Millard's edgy style and lead up to Homeless Jack's Religion, in which Homeless Jack lays out revelations he found in a dumpster on skid row. Browse Before You Buy ISBN: 0-595-32646-3

Roaming the Wastelands ROAMING THE WASTELANDS
- (ISBN: 0-595-22811-9)
H. Millard’s latest sacred cow toppling book, is now
available at by clicking on this link

or by calling 1-877-823-9235.

“A fun–and sobering–thing to read” - Alamance Independent

The Outsider

THE OUTSIDER - (ISBN: 0-595-19424-9)
H. Millard’s underground classic story of alienation is
available at by clicking on the this link
 or by calling 1-877-823-9235:


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