Bush Kerry debate (c) 2004 by NNN
(Bush throws feces)
by H. Millard (c) 2004
H. Millard index

Alice's alternate universe that crossed over and meshed with our universe since the start of the political season is getting stronger. I can sense it.

In my head I'm seeing images of skinny-fat Radio Pudgy looking like a Pasha. He's laying on a bunch of huge pillows smoking from a hookah, popping pills, eating bon bons with fat but dainty fingers, and wearing silk jamies while speaking on the radio: "We're in a war against terrorism. It doesn't matter that there weren't any weapons of mass destruction. Sadaam was a bad guy and we're better for him being out of power. And, all those American kids who have died in the desert, hey, they were volunteers. I support our troops. I'm right behind them." I listen and I look but I can't tell which universe I'm looking at.

I look at my TV and I see George W. Bush belch and cavort around the stage like a chimpanzee at a presidential debate. On the radio, Pudgy tells his audience "Hey, George Bush just hit a home run. Man, Kerry could never do that. Bush is a real leader." On the TV I see Bush fall down. On the radio I hear Pudgy say, "Man, that George Bush is tough. Did you see that homerun he just hit? It was out of the park." I'm feeling more and more like Alice.

The TV shifts to another presidential debate. There's Bush looking even more like a chimpanzee than usual. He scowls and makes faces. He rolls his eyes. He purses his lips. He shows his teeth. Then he puts his lips tightly together. This is a sure sign that a chimp is about to attack. I see it coming, but Kerry doesn't. "Watch out!" I yell at my TV. Suddenly, Bush throws some of his feces at Kerry who is at the other podium. Kerry ducks at the last minute and the pile of Bush feces misses him. Bush begins laughing with a chimp like laugh. "Wow, did you see Bush take on that wimp Kerry?" asks Radio Pudgy. "Kerry sure did duck. What a coward, just like he was in Vietnam. What a wimp. You didn't see George W. plotting to send himself to Vietnam so he could get purple hearts for minor injuries. Bush was a real hero and flew dangerous jets over Texas during Vietnam, not like that phony Kerry in that cushy swift boat yacht on some pristine river. Wow, Bush won this debate big time. Let's take a call."

"This is Judy in Dallas. I'm a stay at home Mom and I home school my children. I was so mad at Kerry for ducking those feces I could have hit my TV."

"What made you so mad, exactly?" asks Pudgy.

"A real man, like my husband who loves me dearly and who would never fool around like Bill Clinton, would have taken those thrown feces like a man. And, that George W. is a real man. He's a God fearing, honorable man who loves his dear wife the way a real man does. You could see he's a strong leader the way he threw those feces."

I turn my TV to the phony TV News Network and see that vacuum head konservative sissy boy announcer repeating the same sort of crap that comes out of Pudgy each day. I'm starting to feel sick. I'm starting to feel like I don't want to be a Republican anymore. Then, the vacuum head gives us a college man in the street interview. The guy he selects is wearing a blue blazer and appears to be trying to look like a 1960's Bill Buckley, but he comes off as stiff as a guy with a poker up his rear end. Predictably, he parrots the company line.

I get a grip on reality and I block out all the pictures and sounds from the alternate universe so I can think logically about the presidential election. Let's see, I'm a registered Republican and many of my views would probably be called conservative, so Bush must be my guy. Hell, I couldn't vote for a liberal Democrat. Hmmm. Let me think about Bush's record for a moment to get my head straight and get back on board the GOP wagon. I make a semi-free association mental list about Bush:

1. He took us into an unnecessary war on a lie and now about 1092 young Americans--mostly whites--have died. His reaction to death appears to be the same as seen in psychopaths. He doesn't appear to have a conscience or care about the loss of life. I wonder if having been sent off to a preppie boarding school at a young age made him that way. I wonder if he tortured insects and small animals as a child.

2. When he came into office he had a budget surplus. He's turned that into the biggest deficit in history.

3. Instead of making government smaller, which is a conservative ideal, he's made it bigger than it's ever been.

4. He's signed laws that take away some of our constitutional freedoms.

5. Gas prices are at a record high.

6. He's letting our nation be invaded by millions and millions of Mexicans and has a mestizo nephew also named George Bush.

7. He says we have a coalition of nations in Iraq. Last time I checked, the U.S. has more than 130,000 of our troops there while others in the coalition have very few. New Zealand has 61 "troops" there. Macedonia has 37. Estonia has 31. Kazakhstan has 25. Somehow that doesn't look much like a coalition to me. It looks more like the Bushies told these nations to send a few show troops if they wanted to keep getting US foreign aid.

8. Like the spoiled rich preppie that he is, Bush refuses to take responsibility for his own mistakes and inadequacies. "Hey, don't blame me about there being no weapons of mass destruction, blame the CIA and the other intelligence types," is what he seems to be saying. The buck never stops with Bush or people of his type. They always blame others. It's that psychopathic personality, if that's what it is, again.

9. Bush keeps sending the kids of ordinary Americans to die in the desert, while his own kids are partying. His brother JEB's mestizo kids also aren't going to fight. That's the way it is with most of the phonies in the Bush administration. They talk about how important their phony war in Iraq is but they don't send any of their own kids or relatives to fight. They want you to send your kids and they know that with the lousy job situation they've created, a lot of your kids will volunteer in order to get any job, even a job as a soldier. What about Cheney's lesbian daughter? Why isn't she in uniform?

10. Bush says he's not going to bring back the draft. I think he's lying about this and that we'll have a draft if he's reelected, but he may call it something else. That's another thing these phonies do; they rename things to fool citizens.

It's no use. It doesn't matter whether I think illogically or logically about Bush. I can't think of anything good that Bush has done or is likely to do. He's no leader, and he's a lousy president.

This universe is even stranger than the alternate one. At least in the alternate universe most of us from this universe would see the phonies for what they are, but here, most Americans seem to be drugged into not being able to see the plain truth.

I decide that I'm not a big Kerry fan, but I also decide that we need a change at the top and Kerry is the only one who has a chance of giving us this change. He's also the only one who has a chance of getting rid of Bush's creepy neocon pals. If Kerry gets in and fails, we can bounce him out four years from now. I can't imagine Kerry doing any worse than Bush. At the very least, Kerry's been in a war and I don't think he'll want to send others to fight for no reason. Also, he doesn't have a Mexican nephew so he's not bound in a family way to let Mexicans keep invading.

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Ourselves Alone & Homeless Jack's Religion new - August 2004Ourselves Alone & Homeless Jack's Religion
messages of ennui and meaning in post-american america by H. Millard

In Ourselves Alone and Homeless Jack's Religion, H. Millard, the hard to pigeonhole author of The Outsider and Roaming the Wastelands, has put together some of his category bending commentaries on post-American America. The commentaries deal with politics, philosophy, free speech, genocide, religion and other topics in Millard's edgy style and lead up to Homeless Jack's Religion, in which Homeless Jack lays out revelations he found in a dumpster on skid row. Browse Before You Buy ISBN: 0-595-32646-3

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The Outsider

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