"just say yes" - (c) 2003 by NNN
by H. Millard (c) 2003

I got mail from the center of the Bell Curve this week. That's the place where everything is bland, where I.Q.'s are ordinary, and where the highest goal is to blend in and be average.

The letter told me that I'm one of a "select group." Right.

The wonderful news of my select status was sent from the Republican National Committee and it was accompanied by something called a CENSUS DOCUMENT QUESTIONNAIRE. I have no doubt that the Democrats probably send out similar letters to their select people, also. The leaders of the GOP and the Democrats both seem to infest the same bland middle ground of the Bell Curve, and it is to this bland middle, that both parties pander to get votes. Thus are born blanket mailings pretending they're something else in order to fool others with no critical thinking skills.

Pink monkey and friendsIt's not, as some would have you believe, that the GOP is on the genuine right and the Democrats are on the genuine left of the political spectrum. The right and left of these elites is the safe PC right side and PC left side of the PC center zone of the Bell Curve where conformity to the current orthodoxy (no matter what the current orthodoxy is) is the norm. This is the gray zone where not a dime's worth of difference separates the two parties, and where so-called bedrock beliefs are changed in the blink of an eye in order to pander for votes. This is the zone where pink monkeys are stoned.

Kobe Bryant and George BushThe differences between the Republican elites and the Democrat elites are mostly matters of style. Both are studiously PC to the point that their brains and their mouths are in permanent states of constipation. However, the pimply-faced Republican elites, being mostly hormone starved craven cowards and ever fearful of being called racists, bend over backwards to prove that they love minorities, and especially blacks. "Why, boy, some of my best friends are black, I say black, boy, black as the ace of spades, but I, ahem, don't notice the color of anyone's skin, I focus on the content of their character, boy. Why look at that Condi Rice, she's a genius. Say, did I mention she's black? And, look at that Colin Powell, he's a genius. Say, did I mention that he's black? And look at that Kobe Bryant, he's a genius. Say, did I mention that he's black? What's that? Why don't I mention any white geniuses? What are you some kind of racist, boy?"

The Democrats long ago got their pandering sideshow somewhat polished, so today their pandering isn't as ungainly and foolish looking as the pandering done by many Republicans, but it's often the same thing.

These days, you can often quickly distinguish between the Republican elites and the Democrat elites by noticing really important things such as haircuts, shirts, and ties. Many Republican elites have shorter, clipper styled hair and no forelocks. Many also seem to dye away the gray. Democrat elites, on the other hand, seem to have longer, often gray, razor styled hair with forelocks. Many Republican elites tend to wear white dress shirts, often with blue ties with some sort of small white diamond or check pattern. Many Democrat elites like to wear patterned or denim shirts with dark ties.

But, enough of this middle of the Bell Curve fashion talk. It seems that the RNC, needs MY opinion to develop a BLUEPRINT for the GOP for the next 10 years. Well, that's what they said in their letter to me. "Golly, Opie, I'm going to help design the Republican Party right from the ground up by helping with the BLUEPRINT."

To let me know what a select person I am, and how really, really important the CENSUS DOCUMENT QUESTIONNAIRE is, it had a REGISTRATION NUMBER. "Did you hear that Opie? It has a registration number, so don't be cynical and say it's just a fund raising scam."

I guess the RNC knows that as a member of the select group I'm very important and that I'm busy doing important things. That's probably why they didn't leave any room for me to write in my opinions. Instead, the questionnaire had 18 questions that very important select people are supposed to answer by checking one of three boxes marked: yes, no, undecided.

The first question was, "Do you support President Bush's initiatives to promote the safety and security of all Americans?" Well, they stumped me with the very first question. I couldn't give a yes, no, or undecided answer, so I scrawled in the margin "Not the way he's doing it."

The questions went on and on, and were all really just push poll items that were intended not as a way to obtain answers, but to reinforce, in the minds of the select, what Bush is doing, and to convince the select that the crap that the numbnut neo-cons are pushing on post-American America is good.

The questions seemed to follow a model that I would describe, by way of imagined example: "Do you support President Bush's love of mom and apple pie or do you support those who hate mom and apple pie and who want to destroy America?"

will trade spears for basketball and visaIt was all pretty silly. One question that sort of sums up the intellectual level of all the questions was: "Should small businesses be encouraged to grow and hire more workers?" "Duh. No. Golly, they should all shut down and throw people out of work". What kind of low I.Q. question is that, anyway? Another question asked "Do you think the U.S. should modernize our national defense to meet the challenges of the 21st century?" " No, I think our military should use spears and rocks to meet the challenges of the 2nd century."

"just say yes" - (c) 2003 by NNNThe psychological design of this stupid questionnaire was simple. Every question asked was designed to elicit a "yes" answer on the part of fellow travelers in the land of dunce. After repeatedly answering "yes," the select person (call him the "mark") was conditioned to answer that way. Then the RNC popped the real question that they wanted a "yes" on: "Will you join the Republican National Committee by making a contribution today?" Hmmm. Let's see. If I had been led down the correct path of checking "yes" at each of the preceding questions I might then be expected to check "Yes, I support the RNC and am enclosing my most generous contribution [starting with $500]." If I didn't want to do that, I could check the second box: "Yes, I support the RNC, but I am unable to participate at this time. However I have enclosed $11 to cover the cost of tabulating my survey." I didn't like that one either. At the bottom was the last choice: "No. I favor electing liberal Democrats over the next ten years." Oh, no. If I check this one it means I want to elect liberal Democrats. Left with no real choice, I changed the wording of this choice to read "No, I favor electing true conservatives, not some of the present phony RINOS over the next ten years."

Then I sent my registered CENSUS DOCUMENT QUESTIONNAIRE back to the suits at the RNC without the $ 11 bucks to tabulate my answers and without putting a postage stamp on the envelope "to save much needed funds."

Man, do we ever need some viable alternate political parties in this nation. The cynical bastards who put this phony mailing together probably figure that the intellectually insulting nature of this attempt to get money might not be seen by its target audience of low I.Q., true believer Republicans. This mailing ranks right up there with the predictable nonsense that comes from the administration shills on the Fox News network each night.

Speaking of Fox News Channel, there was a special question "only for RNC members" that asked "From what source do you receive most of your news and political information?" It then listed all the TV networks by name, along with generic boxes for Radio, Daily Newspaper, etc. My guess is that those who send this silly questionnaire back to the RNC will overwhelmingly check "Fox News Channel," followed by "Radio," which can probably be interpreted to mean from administration shill, Radio Pudgy.

What was really insulting about this phony survey was that there wasn't a single question about immigration, legal or otherwise, and there wasn't a single question about affirmative action.

house of cardsThanks, RNC, I hope my answers help you develop a BLUEPRINT, but it seems all you're building is an empty house of cards with no foundation. Do you guys actually BELIEVE anything? Do you STAND for anything? Do you have any desire to help make our country a better place, or are you just interested in pandering to the middle of the Bell Curve so you can stay in office and get cushy salaries?

The Bell CurveAsk some of the select what they think of unbridled Third World immigration and what they think of affirmative action. Go ahead, you bunch of silly twits, bring up some real issues that rank and file Republicans are concerned about. I dare you to stop hiding in the middle of the Bell Curve and really find out what average citizens are concerned about.

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