Blair and Burt at tea
(Love the lies or you're a lefty and a Democrat)
by H. Millard (c) 2003

Tony BlairI knew I should have kept drinking coffee instead of that watery, sissy English tea. I woke up in a sweat after having a nightmare about gopher faced twit Tony Blair standing at my door looking like the Mad Hatter in the cartoon version of Alice in Wonderland. The TV was still on, and some old 1940's movie was running. I ignored it.

I think the Brits put some kind of drugs in the tea. Maybe it does something to the English part of my genes. Triggers something. Maybe that's the real reason why the early Colonists dressed up like Indians and threw the crap in Boston Harbor. Or, maybe it was the tea in my system and the ever present TV screwing with my subconscious. Then again, maybe the Irish and French part of my genes gave me some type of immunity from the stuff so I don't just accept what world leaders say on face value.
Anyway, in my dream, there was Blair standing at my door with his gopher teeth flashing. "I say, old boy, we must now attack Iran."

"Why?" I ask.

"Dear fellow, it's bloody clear that it is an evil nation."

"How so? Because I say so, of course."

"Do you have any evidence?"

"Why certainly. I have the word of the Prime Minister of England."

"Yes. And that certainly cinches it, don't you agree?"


"No. I mean that it doesn't cinch anything."

"But, if I'm the Prime Minister, it is cinched. You really must try to keep this straight."

"cowpoke"Before I could answer, a cowpoke came moseying into the scene. He was wearing a tall white hat, a cowboy shirt with fancy designs, and furry looking white chaps. The outfit was completed with some fancy cowboy boots. "Git this straight, pardner. The Prime Minister is right. Them there Iranians are mean varmints and we gotta hit 'em like we hit them Iraqis. It's those weapons of mass destruction, boy. Maybe them wily Iraqis slipped them over the border to the Iranians and that's why we can't find 'em in Iraq Remember how we dealt with them blood thirsty Injuns in this country boy? Them arrows was weapons of mass destruction and we had to wipe 'em out for peace on the planet. That's the way we gotta now treat the rest of the world. It's the American thing to do. It's patriotic."

wait-personThat was it. I got out of bed and rushed out to get a cup of coffee to wash that tea out of my system. Man, I needed the java. The only place that was open was one of those yuppie coffee joints that are all over the place. I rushed in for my fix. "Give me a cup of coffee," I demanded of the mixed up, black, white, something or other dame, er, creature with the hairy arms and tits wearing combat boots and a dress who was standing behind the counter. It looked as though it was going to say something like "My name is Sandy, and I'll be your wait person today." But the creature didn't say that. Instead, it said, with a thick, but flirtatious, Spanish accent, "And, what kind of coffee would you like, Senor?"

I looked at the gene and gender and nationality and fashion confused individual who may have been a guy or girl or something in between. "What kind? Waddya mean what kind? A friggin' cup of coffee. Are you stupid or something?" I soon got a cup of some screwy stuff with whipped cream floating on top.
"Hey, I didn't ask you for no friggin' root beer float. I wanted a cup of Joe.

waitress"Cup of Joe? How quaint and retro, Senor. You're clearly not old enough to be using terminology from the old America of the '40's. That is coffee. This is a new day, Senor."

I drank some of the stuff and it wasn't bad once I got past the whipped cream. Soon, I was back to normal and thinking clearly once again, but the creature was still there smiling at me. This was reality. This was post-American America.

I wondered if Blair was taking bags of something under the table from the White House for his slavish support of everything that Bush does. It doesn't seem to be personal between Bush and Blair, because back when Clinton was in the White House, Blair was the same way; acting like a panting dog and doing everything but rubbing up against Clinton's leg. Now that Bush is Mr. Big, Blair is still acting the dog part.

Jayson BlairGeez. What's with that guy and how did he get to be Prime Minister of England? Oh, yeah, England today is becoming a Third World nation, just like the U.S. Blair is the leader that the English probably deserve as it slips into a black hole like most of its former colonies including the U.S. Also, it appears as though the sub-atomic particles were at work again. First we get a white guy named Tony Blair in England telling fibs about weapons of mass destruction and then we get a black guy named Jason Blair in the U.S. at the New York Times telling fibs in his columns. Two Blairs. One white, one black. Both in hot water at about the same time concerning Iraq. You have to hand it to those sub-atomic particles.

His Master's Voice...I left the coffee joint and got in my car. Radio Pudgy was on my radio telling me that Bill Clinton was the reason we had to attack Iraq and that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction and that if I don't believe it, I'm not a good American and I'm a lefty and a Democrat. Huh? Radio Pudgy is a simple man with a simple faith. He knows there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq because of his faith. He has faith that George W. Bush is a god among men, and he has faith that Bill Clinton is a devil among men. Facts and truth are subversive to those like Radio Pudgy. It's faith that is important. You just have to believe. Blind faith in your leaders is the American thing to do. Seig Heil, er, stand up and salute.

Kool AidBert at JonestownJust then another vision came to mind. I saw hundreds of people lining up to drink poisoned kook-aid, or was it sissy English tea? Then they all died. Those with blind faith drink the mental version of poisoned drinks every day, those who don't have that faith ask questions.

I have little blind faith, so I question: Exactly where are those weapons of mass destruction, Mr. Bush and Mr. Blair?

#  #  #


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