"lawn jockey"
by H. Millard (c) 2002

The insects in D.C. were at it again this past week. But before we get to them, here's a homily:
"Once upon a time there was a big bully on the playground. The bully talked tough and he'd go around telling other kids to do or not do things or he'd beat them up. He only picked on weak looking kids. Most kids did what the bully said. Then one day, one kid simply told the bully that he wasn't going to do or not do what the bully wanted. The bully didn't know what to do and backed down. That's the way it is with bullies."

For months now, President Bush has been telling Iraq that the U.S. is going to attack that sovereign nation if Iraq doesn't stop doing what they say they aren't doing and which no one can seem to prove that they are doing. This thing that they're supposed to be doing is, of course, making weapons of mass destruction.

Iraq has agreed to let inspectors in, but Bush continues making threats. Iraq is a weak and easy target, you see. That's the way bullies like it. If Iraq says or does the wrong thing, the bombs will fall. From Washington, you can't see the mangled bodies of little children in a far away land. Even from the B-52s, the Iraqis look like little friggin' ants running around a waterless beach; not smart enough to burrow underground to protect themselves and just begging to be bombed. And, when they're bombed, those in the B-52s can't see the blood or the dead kids. There's nothing but clear consciences in D.C. and above the clouds.

bullyEven though Iraq proved to be a cream puff in '92, Bush pretends it's a powerful nation. That's something that has to be done to whip up public support and to make the certain victory seem like a real win instead of the walkover that it will be. A completely one-sided fight makes people dislike the victor as a bully who has picked on someone who is weak or smaller. "Pick on someone your own size," yells the chorus. People also pity the loser. Bush doesn't want that. So, Iraq has to have its image bolstered so that it looks like a superpower ready to lob nukes full of anthrax and West Nile virus mosquitoes down our chimneys.

Bush seems obsessed with Iraq. One wonders if this is caused by a psychological problem. It seems a little like an S&M thing mixed up with some kind of Oedipus complex. Whatever the cause, it seems that Bush dominatrixwants to humiliate Saddam Hussein. "Submit and lick my boots you worm, while I whip you," says the black clad Dominator to the Submissive. Maybe attacking and beating a virtually defenseless fourteenth rate non-power such as Iraq might also relieve Bush of any subconscious feelings of inadequacy he may have, as a result of being a spoiled rich kid. I don't know any of this for a fact, of course, but something seems perverse and creepy about this Iraq business.

Bush has recently gotten a fright, however, and hopefully this may make him give up his bullying ways, or at least it may cause him to stop listening to some of the yuppies around him who are just itching to send American kids to kill and be killed to change the political chemistry of the mideast to favor Israel.

The fright came when Bush sent some diplomats to that other axis of evil, North Korea, to tell the North Koreans that they better not be trying to develop weapons of mass destruction, by golly, and to let them know that Bush knew they had been messing around with enriched uranium.

Naturally, the diplomats and Bush expected the North Koreans to deny everything and act cowed. It didn't happen. Instead, the North Koreans gave a collective third finger salute to Bush when they told the diplomats that they had, indeed, been working on weapons of mass destruction--thanks for noticing--and that they were going to continue to do so as though they are a sovereign nation--which of course they are.

Aw crap. Just when Bush was sure he could attack Iraq under the pretext that they are working on developing weapons of mass destruction, even though they deny it, the sneaky North Koreans stand up to him and show that Bush isn't consistent. The North Koreans did everything but yell "We've got bombs, we've got anthrax, we've got all kinds of weapons of mass destruction. And if you don't like it, tough!"

Evil Axis North KoreansSo what's Bush going to do now? His major publicly stated reason for wanting to attack Iraq is because Bush says they have weapons of mass destruction and they're part of the axis of evil. Both of which the Iraqis deny. But, if Bush is out to get the weapons of mass destruction out of the three axis of evil countries he named, why is he silent on North Korea which has openly admitted that it has them? They're almost bragging about them. Since Bush elects not to believe the Iraqis when they say they don't have weapons of mass destruction, maybe he has elected to not believe the North Koreans when they say they do. When you don't have any solid principles, you can move things around in your mind that way to justify anything.

If Bush pushes the line that North Korea doesn't have weapons of mass destruction when the North Koreans say they do, the North Koreans will probably screw things up for Bush again by inviting inspectors in to show them the weapons. Maybe they'll have a great big weapons photo shoot or a party. Maybe they'll blow up something. Then what will Bush do? Maybe he'll still say they aren't real. Maybe he'll say the North Koreans don't really have nukes, and they're only using all that stuff to generate power. However, at the same time, if Saddam Hussein so much as has a watch with a glowing dial, Bush may say that's proof of nukes.

One can almost hear the chitin scraping at the White House as the insects try to find a way to spin this North Korea mess and save face and not have to confront strong North Korea (and probably China) like they are doing with weak Iraq. Maybe they should just send Colin Powell on a step 'n fetch it mission. After all, Harry weevils"lawn jockey"Belafonte said recently that Colin Powell is a house negro, and such a mission comes with that title. Powell can simply tell the North Koreans that they misunderstood the black dialect. "Oh, silly you. We don't care if YOU have weapons of mass destruction and we didn't say YOU were part of the 'axis of evil.' What we really said was, North Korea should 'ax us fo' weevils.'"

Of course, the North Koreans, being a wily, rotten-cabbage eating lot who don't suffer from white people's fear of being called racists if they question a black, might just be brash enough to ask what the hell that's supposed to mean. Then, we will be right back where we started; looking like squashed bugs on the grill of a dilapidated 18 wheeler coming up from Mexico full of illegal aliens who want to replace American boys who will be squashed in a desert far, far away, unless this administration stops trying to get us into a war against a foreign nation that hasn't attacked us.

Bush goes after Latina voteAnd, speaking of Mexico, why isn't spoiled rich kid George Bush doing something about the massive invasion of this country by Mexicans? Mexico is a much bigger threat to the U.S. than Iraq, yet Bush turns a blind eye to the many murders of American citizens by Mexicans.

It's like I said. The insects in D.C. were busy this week.

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