(sperm, etc)

by H. Millard © 2006

 I awoke. I hadn't known I was asleep. I hadn't even known I existed. I had been unaware. Now, I was aware. I knew I was alive. Now I had a dim memory of swirling galaxies and of a flow and a spinning and a turning of everything in existence. I didn't know where I was. Suddenly, I became aware that I wasn't alone. There were others like me. Many others. Millions of others. We were all part of the cosmic flow. We were all messengers being sent forth from our home with a very important message. It was a matter of life or death that the message be delivered. That's why there were so many of us carrying it.

What was the message? I didn't know. Who was I supposed to deliver it to? I had no idea. I only knew that I had to struggle to deliver the message. Somehow I also knew that I would be rewarded if I were the messenger who got the message through the incredible odds against us. I also was aware that each messenger had the same general message, but it was just a little different for each. We were the hope of the one who was sending us forth. His destiny was linked to our destiny as our destiny was linked to his. We were part of him, yet we were separate from him.

I didn't choose to be a messenger. It was just my fate. It was the way things are, and I was part of the way things are as are all other things in existence. My duty, my purpose, and my responsibility was to deliver the message. I must leave my home and go to the unknown.

All the others also wanted to reach the same goal. I now realized that I must struggle against all the others. There was no hatred about this. There was no love. There was just the struggle. The great indifferent struggle.

So it came to pass that we were sent forth on our sacred mission.

Some of the others were weak and they quickly fell away. I moved on. My destiny, whatever it was to be, was in front of me. I got tired and it would have been easy to stop struggling, but this wasn't my way. Then I saw it far away in the distance; a gigantic orb. That was where I had to go. I just knew it. I sensed. it. I felt it.

I moved ever onward through a vast emptiness that was not truly empty. And, the orb grew larger and larger. It was there. It was huge. It was beautiful. It hung there in the distance but was getting closer. Suddenly, the orb sang to me. It was a lonely, plaintive, and sparse song. I sang back. The orb was shining and glorious. It's music was thin but it called out, siren like, urging all of us to move on. Great waves of joy filled me as I got closer. This was my goal. This was my destiny. I felt exhilarated as I got closer. All around me, other messengers were dying, but I moved on. Now I was bathed in a glorious light as I moved ever closer. All my will and all my might were focused on the goal to get to the orb. I was going to struggle until I could struggle no more.

I got even closer to the orb and then I realized that I was the only one there. I was all alone. But I moved onward. The orb got within touching distance. Suddenly, I heard a voice from out of the far places booming out to me in a deep rumbling tone and the voice said, YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE. YOU ARE BELOVED OF ME.

With my last ounce of strength I propelled myself forward into the orb and the wall of the orb let me pass through into the inner light. Once I was inside, it was as though I had thrown a switch to turn the orb on because suddenly everything got very bright and everything started moving all around me as though a clockwork had started. Like a swirling kaleidoscope, things moved all about me and through me and I was one with them and I was part of it. I could see everything, including me, changing. It was as though I was outside myself looking at myself.

I was one with the orb and the orb was one with me and we were now forever joined as one. And, I saw it all and I was being transformed and I felt it and I was becoming something new, something whole, something complete and the great spinning started and it was beautiful as it ordered everything. Parts of me linked up with parts of the orb. Clink, clink, clink, clink...23 times it happened all the parts lined up and locked into place and the spinning became a spiral full of different colored lights and it spun around like a candy cane. And suddenly the singing that I had heard before, turned into a mighty chorus and the sound was beautiful and full. Where before it had been as a single instrument, now it was as a full orchestra. It was complete and it was exultant and it was joyous. And, the One who knows, was there in the center of the spinning.

Suddenly I knew the truth. I was the message. The message was me. And, then I knew what my purpose was. Then did I understand the way of existence. Then did I achieve the consciousness of the orb and of the One. Then did I understand. And the voice said, "Against all odds you have been chosen because you chose yourself. Forty million started the journey with you, but you alone succeeded. The forty million are now gone forever and they shall be no more. You alone shall go on. That is your reward. In time, you shall send forth your own messengers.

Nine months later I was born. The struggle continues.
        # # #

Note: There are approximately 40 million spermatozoa in an ejaculate, but only one gets to fertilize the ovum. A human spermatozoa carries 23 chromosomes from the male which join with the 23 chromosomes in the ovum of the female to produce a human being. Each chromosome is a long strand of DNA containing many genes. DNA is made up of the four nucleotides, adenine, thymine, cytosine and guanine which are usually abbreviated A,T,C and G. The message being carried by the spermatozoa to the ovum is in these things. It is the blueprint of life. If the message does not reach the ovum, there is no life.
# # #


All three books are now listed on Amazon.com.
Just click on the "http://www..." links after each book.
They're also available at quality brick and mortar stores or can be ordered by them for you.

The lefties at the OC WEEKLY said Millard is one of OC's most frightening people.

"Millard is an important writer" New Nation News
"Millard is an original. His books aren't like your typical fiction.
If you don't know where to put his books, try the same shelf with Kerouac,
Kafka, Sartre and Nietzsche" - a reader.

Ourselves Alone & Homeless Jack's Religion  

Ourselves Alone & Homeless Jack's Religion
messages of ennui and meaning in post-american america by H. Millard

In Ourselves Alone and Homeless Jack's Religion, H. Millard, the hard to pigeonhole author of The Outsider and Roaming the Wastelands, has put together some of his category bending commentaries on post-American America. The commentaries deal with politics, philosophy, free speech, genocide, religion and other topics in Millard's edgy style and lead up to Homeless Jack's Religion, in which Homeless Jack lays out revelations he found in a dumpster on skid row. Browse Before You Buy ISBN: 0-595-32646-3

Roaming the Wastelands  

- (ISBN: 0-595-22811-9)
H. Millard’s latest sacred cow toppling book, is now
available at Amazon.com by clicking on this link

or by calling 1-877-823-9235.

“A fun–and sobering–thing to read” - Alamance Independent

The Outsider  

THE OUTSIDER - (ISBN: 0-595-19424-9)
H. Millard’s underground classic story of alienation is
available at Amazon.com by clicking on the this link
 or by calling 1-877-823-9235:

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